Free Slice of Cheesecake

I was thinking that my altruism has been focused on people who are homeless.  I am going to continue that endeavor, but I wanted to expand my horizons a bit.

Tonight, I had a bunch of coupons for a free slice of Cheesecake at The Cheesecake Factory.  So I went around handing them out to people waiting to be seated at the restaurant.  Many people thought it was a gimmick of some sort and looked at me strange.  I worked on my delivery (i.e., "I have these extra coupons for Cheesecake that I can't use).  In the end I was able to hand out around 14 coupons.

Help for Returning Veterans

The Coalition for Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans has a great list of volunteer opportunities, ranging from sending gifts to bringing veterans to medical appointments.

Tupperware

I was a bit concern about the wastefulness and costs of continual buying disposable tupperware.  Luckily, I came up with a solution today.  Basically, I purchased a bunch of big cups with lids.  Thus, I can put pasta and rice inside on these containers without being as wasteful.

Rejection

A few issues came to me today while bringing food.  I walked by two homeless people who had previously refused food from me.  The first was a lady.  I said hello to her and nodded toward my food bags. She did not indicate any wanting of my food, but I did not directly ask either.  The other person, a male, turned his back toward me as I was walking by.  Based on body language I did not ask either person whether they wanted food tonight.  However, maybe I should push myself to at least offer.

I had a new person refuse food today.  I liked how he did it.  He basically asked what I had and then he looked through the bag.  No one had previously even asked what food I had.  They basically say yes or no to my offer of "are you hungry?"  I try to ask my question in a respectful manner.  However, maybe I need to reword it as "I have some pasta and fruit, would you like it?"  Any thoughts in the comments would be appreciated.

Lots of Leftovers and Potential Barriers

The past few days have been much easier in my giving out food to people who are homeless.  I have had quite a bit of leftovers and I feel I am handing out some good food.  I certainly have been eating much better.  I planned a grocery list for next week.  I don't usually plan grocery shopping or a list for that matter.  But the supplies for doing this project necessitate the need to plan ahead. I certainly don't care about digging out a can of 3 year-old tuna fish for dinner, but I don't feel comfortable giving that out to anyone.

There have been some difficulties in keeping up with this project.  It is not always easy getting out and doing this anonymously.  Luckily, I live alone and nearby many people who are homeless.  However, on long work days or holidays, I have had some difficulties making time for this endeavor (mostly the the blogging though not actually the altruistic act).  It is sometimes difficult to find time away from work, friends, or family to do this project.  In many ways, telling them about it would make this project much easier.  However, I really want to do this project for the sake of the project and not for positive feedback from others or occupational gain.

I could see this project being a great benefit in dating.  I imagine any woman I am interested in being very impressed with this project.  However, I don't usually feel comfortable telling people about my accomplishments anyway.  Thus, even if this were not an anonymous project I might not tell anyone about it.  Thus, I really want to stick with the pledge of keeping this project anonymous.

I signed up for a Twitter account to mirror this blog.  As I signed up, Twitter automatically uploaded all my contacts and asked me to send out a request to have all these people become followers.  I thought it might be a great idea, but then realized that everyone would figure out this was my project (luckily I skipped that step).

My Cooking?

I have had 3 people refuse food from me.  It makes sense that not everyone would trust some stranger offering them food.  So far, no one I have given food to before has refused the second time.  I am starting to feel pressure to keep that record going (I must keep cooking good food).

I ran into Ruth again.  This is the third time I gave her food.  I spent a little more time with her.  My goal originally was to not get noticed by people so that I would not get a direct benefit from doing the kind act (their gratitude or friendship).  However, I am starting to revise that idea. I feel I give Ruth a bit more by being there for her for a few minutes.  I told her Merry Christmas and gave her a little pat on the shoulder as I left.

Some inspiration on compassion

I read a great blog entry by Adoree Durayappah on compassion and happiness.  Here is a link to the full entry and below is an excerpt of the entry:

The Dalai Lama said, "If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." We know that forgiveness and compassion are important for a meaningful, happy life. Yet, it is much easier to understand the importance of forgiveness than to be motivated enough in the heat of the moment to actually practice it. Every once in a while, you hear a story that makes you want to change and gives you the inspiration to practice forgiveness. ...

Six months ago, a man wielding a baseball bat entered the convenience store of Mohammad Sohail of Shirley, New York. "Give me the money" the robber yelled. Mohammad quickly reached for his rifle and pointed it at the robber's face, forcing the man to drop the bat. (Little did the robber know that Mohammad never loads his gun.)

Mohammad told the man that he would not call the police but to promise never to rob anyone ever again. The man agreed. Mohammad then handed the man $40 and a loaf of bread. Mohammad went to the back of the store to get him some milk, but when he returned the man had fled the store with the $40 and bread.
...
About one month ago, Mohammad received an envelope with no return address. Inside he found a $50 bill and a note that read, "At the time I had No money No food on my table No Job, and nothing for my family. I know that it was wrong, but I had know (sic) choice. I needed to feed My family. When You had That gun to my head I was 100% that I was going to die."
The letter from the would-be robber continued by stating, "Now I have a new child and good job make good money staying out of trouble and taking care of my family. You gave me forty dollars thank you for sparing my life Because of that you change my life."

Ruth

For the first time, I gave food to someone I had already given it to before.  I'll call her Ruth, but it is not her real name.  She is actually quite beautiful.  She wears a wig, which is not always on straight.  I am not sure she wears it for warmth or for beauty.  Her eyes are what are beautiful.  I sat with her for a bit longer than usual.  I wanted to have a conversation with her, but her eyes were so intense.  I felt myself becoming emotional (I feel like I can cry more easily lately).  I felt like we both had so much to say.  Unfortunately, I ducked out before it could be said. I will have to push myself more the next time.

New ideas for altruistic acts

I am trying to think of new possibilities for altruistic acts.  Feeding people who are homeless has been successful, but I also want to expand my horizons.  I want to make this project a challenge.  I am starting to get a structure to my current acts, which may lead me not pushing myself to do more.

One idea I had for an altruistic act is talking with people and showing genuine caring for them (I was inspired by an entry on Mark Goulston's blog on Psychology Today).  While feeding people who are homeless, I would try to give them the food and escape before they noticed.  I think part of that was trying not to get gratitude about my actions.  Another part of it might have been my discomfort in meeting new people.  Maybe an altruistic act could be me just sitting with someone and listening to them.  Making them feel heard and supported.  That is, in Dacher Keltner's words to increase their Jen Ratio.

Let's see what happens.  I will try to attempt this in the next few days.

Please add new ideas for altruistic acts in the comments.

Paradox

I live near a pretty affluent area where many tourists visit.  The street I walk down is full of tourists and people going out to dinner.  It is not unlikely to see a person driving a very expensive car that can't be found at a dealership.  It is always an interesting paradox to me that near the expensive restaurants are people without a home.

The paradox of the situation is interesting to me.  I don't feel superior to the people going out to dinner.  I certainly have done that many times myself.  I feel a part of them.  I also feel good giving food to people in need.  I also don't feel any superiority to them.  I could easily see myself being in their situation.  Dinty Moore in his excellent book, "Accidental Buddhist" describes the concept of 'taking the highseat."  This is when people have feelings of superiority over those around them, sometimes to make themselves feel better.  It actually feels good to me to be able to put myself in both of their shoes.

Nutritional Value

Yesterday I went shopping for some more food for people who are homeless.  As I was shopping I was thinking about the different food choices.  I could spend very little money and buy food with very low nutritional value.  This thought did not sit well with me.  Although I don't have as many resources as I would like for this project, I did not feel good buying poor quality cheap food.  I ended up purchasing lots of rice and frozen vegetables to mix in with the rice.  I think my standard is going to be whether I would eat the food.  Unfortunately, I gave out some more frozen burritos yesterday (which I purchased to eat for myself, but have not been motivated to eat them).

I also figured out that I am going to need a lot more disposable tupperware or dishes.

Acknowledgment: Dacher Keltner

Dacher Keltner has a great book, titled: Born to Be Good: The Science of a Meaningful Life.  Honestly, I have just started this book. I thought it would provide good motivation to keep this project going (which it has).

Early on in the book, Keltner speaks about Jen, which comes from Confucius. Jen refers to a complex mixture of kindness, humanity, and respect that transpires between people. A person of jen "brings the good things of others to completion and does not bring the bad things of others to completion." Jen is felt in that deeply satisfying moment when you bring out the goodness in others.

Keltner speaks about the jen ratio, which captures the balance of jen in life. In the top part of the ratio, are all actions in which you or other people have brought the good in others to completion — a kind hand on your back in a crowded bus, the young child who compliments the elderly woman on her bathing suit as she nervously dips her toe in a swimming pool, the woman who laughs as a stranger accidentally steps on her foot. In the bottom of the ratio, list the occasions in which you or others have done the opposite, bringing the bad in others to completion — the aggressive driver who flips you off as he roars past, the disdainful diner in a pricey restaurant who sneers at less well-heeled passersby. Higher scores translate to greater jen in life. And scientific studies are finding that higher jen ratios make for more satisfying romantic partnerships, children who handle stress better and form deeper networks of friendships, individuals who resist the body's inevitable demise and live longer, and communities and cultures that are more trusting and that enjoy greater social and economic well-being.

Crappy Food

This project may be a bit more difficult than I imagined.  It does not take a lot of time to do an altruistic act. However, there are days in which it is difficult to find the time.  Yesterday, was a long day at work.  I also visited a friend who is a girl (not quite a girlfriend).  Since I don't want anyone to know about this project, I have to do these things on my own without her knowing.  Thus, when I got home late I microwaved some frozen burritos and took a walk in my hunt for feeding someone who is homeless.  So far, I have not yet given food to the same person.  I apologize if the food was not the greatest last night.

Pasta and Barry Sanders

I made a batch of pasta today to pass out to some people who are homeless.  It is not so difficult to make and in the long-term I can probably make it pretty cost effectively (and I think it tastes good).  I also put some fruit in the bags also.  I spent about 45 minutes trying to find the first person who is homeless.  I was lucky because he was sleeping and he did not even see me drop off the bag.  The next person was found shortly afterward.  I tried to give it quickly and move on without getting a thanks.  After spending an hour finding 2 people, I found the whole park full of people.  With only one bag left, I had a bit of a dilemma.  I found a lady to give it to.  Now I am going to make some more pasta to bring it to as many more people (I am going to have to get a lot more cheap containers at the grocery store).

I try to give the food our like Barry Sanders used to score touchdowns.  Let me explain.  I grew up watching and learning from Barry Sanders, a former running back with the Detroit Lions (who says athletes cannot be good role models).  Barry Sanders shied away from the limelight.  When he scored a touchdown, he would hand the ball over to the referee and try to get out of the spotlight.  That is, he enjoyed his work just for himself and not the glamor that came from scoring touchdowns.  In his autobiography, he discussed how he did not want to even be at the ceremony where he won the Heisman Trophy.  He was happy with his accomplishments, but he did not want to be celebrated with an award.

When I hand out food, I feel the same way.  The satisfaction comes from just giving it.  I actually try to give it out so fast that they don't even have time to react.  I don't want to hear praise or thanks from them.  The more I hand out food the more difficult this is going to be.  They might start to recognize me.  Thus, I need to come up with a few more altruistic acts. Or at least find different people who are homeless.

Garlic Bread

Today I start this project. My goal is to do at least one (out of my ordinary) altruistic act a day.

I had somewhat of a plan today, which was to give food to people who are homeless.  I walked down to a pizza place and ordered two loaves of garlic bread (only $3.71).  I found two homeless people, whom I asked whether they were hungry.  I quickly pulled out a loaf and walked away quickly.  My goal is not to get praise, so I try to do this very quickly.